Table Seven

So I never really heard anything back from the non-date. And I was, frankly, surprised. It had all appeared to go so well. I convinced myself that he just washed away with the rain and the floods and those one or two funnel clouds that touched down around Houston over the last few weeks. Blaming natural disasters is simply an easier pill to swallow.

Heard tonight that he met someone. In fact, heard tonight via text that he was into me and then this new chick came along… Kind of them to say, even if it is all BS. No one ever wants to think that someone isn’t into them. No one ever wants to think that whatever they did or how they acted or what they said wasn’t enough to make the connection.

It stung. Reading those words on a text. This sting that I speak of, that everyone has felt once, twice or countless times, is notso much because he has found a new lady to court, non-date or maybe even real date and she is not me. At the end of the day, I think dating is truly awful. The awkwardness that comes along; the way you want to be but really are; the fear that someone might not be into you and the weird rejection that trails it. The question being more of why you want to be someone else than you really are for a person that you barely know. The even scarier thought that they might really be into you and you might not have a clue how to tell them that you don’t really feel the same way.

The sting is there because for the first time since The-Sweetest-Boy-In-The-World, I was honest and myself with someone. I didn’t put up a front, I wasn’t fake with my words, actions or deeds. I was more me than I had been with anyone in over a year. I personally peeled away at myself. I made a point to throw my truest person out there. And evidently the she that is really me wasn’t right for him. And that is absolutely ok.

I am resilient, I can probably thank the men in my life for that. Not only that, but I kinda like this real me. Truthfully, she is way more fun than the girl that I thought I should be and sometimes tried to be. I am just glad that she found her way back. Non-dating might have just have been the perfect activity to bring her out.