Table Seven

I must feel really lousy - I made an appointment with the doctor.  I actually really like my doctor, I simply don’t like going to see him in his office when I am riddled with an ailment.  But I went.  Because I feel that bad.  And I explained stuffy nose, runny eyes, night sweats, coughing, and the pressure.  The pressure is the worst.

I was on an airplane on Monday, Dr Groff.  And I thought my face was going to fly off, no really.  FLY OFF.  I was in the aisle seat, this couple was all coudly and asleep in the window and middle and I was convinced this was it. I sat there and wept.  At first the weeping was involuntary, like it was maybe my body’s last great hope to relieve some pressure. And then it was for real, real tears and no one to feel for me.  Sucked.  And to just make matters a little worse, my flight from Dallas went around the weather, so I was stuck there for two and a half hours.  Do you have any idea how long that is when you think your face is going to blow off.  The only fun thing I thought of was that maybe I would get to be on Discovery channel or something as the girl who flew with a sinus infection and her face blew off on a Southwest Airlines flight. Like people could learn a lesson, Don’t fly with a sinus infection. I obviously don’t have a lot going on in my life, when I am pondering becoming famous at death with a face blow off, eh?

 Sweet Dr Groff laughed.  Better than rolling his eyes, which easily could have been appropriate.  Since I had caught a quick nap while I was waiting (and waiting), he can humor me.  I suppose knowing Maria and Paki (really just my dear mother) so well makes it easier to understand why I am like this…

 As he was telling me about my clear lungs, and about what kind of drugs he was going to perscribe and how I just need some rest and fluids, nasal spray and the drugs and I should be back to normal soon enough.  I thought it was comical he used normal - especially after my dramatic interlude.

And then at the end of his writing my perscription and what appeared to be when he was about to open the door and we walk out together, which is when I imagine all the big guns, larger issues and more of the truth is told… I said,

DK: Dr Groff, I think I have anxiety issues.

Groff: Like panic attacks? 

DK:   No, just anxious.  I have anxiety about most aspects of my life and when I start to think about them, I get flustered and anxious, I guess.  I don’t really know much about anxiety, but I don’t like it.  I don’t really feel like myself, or maybe the person that I want to be.  I cannot relax.  At all.  Sit still, lay there, makes me feel like I should be out doing something.  Like I am wasting time by just sitting.  Anxious.  I think that is what it is. 

Groff: ……. 

DK: But you know, Dr, I dont like drugs.  I am not asking you to give me something, hell, I don’t even know if you can based on my own thought process of my issues, but I just wanted to know if you have any advice?

Groff: I think you should try the Barnes & Noble rememdy -

DK: Like go to Barnes & Noble and sit in the corner and try to relax and read something?

Groff (grinning, totally entertained): Um, no, Dana, like going to Barnes & Noble and heading down the self-help section, searching for a book on anxiety and really reading it.  Follow it.  Try to not be anxious.  Follow the books direction. See if that helps, if not, come back and we can figure something out.